- "He's from Somalia, a sommelier, so he knows a lot about wine. That is impressive. Who's the wine captain now?" — to Barkhad Abdi, nominated for his performance as a Somali pirate in Captain Phillips.
- "I have to say, one of the most impressive Liza Minnelli impersonators I've seen in my life. Really, seriously, good job, sir." — to Liza Minnelli.
- "We all know that the most important thing in the world is youth."
- "Between all the nominees here tonight, you've done over 1,400 films and a total of six years of college."
- "You should think of yourself as winners. Not everyone, but all of you that have won before should."
- "Who are we kidding, it's The Hunger Games. There's cameras everywhere, you're starving and Jennifer Lawrence won last year."
- "If you win tonight, I think we should bring you the Oscar." — referencing Jennifer Lawrence's stumble while ascending the stairs to accept her best-actress award last year, and her similar mishap outside the theater earlier Sunday..
- "I'm not going to say who looks the most beautiful but it's clear: It's Jared Leto. Boy, is he pretty."
- "It deals with the serious issue of people that have sex at rodeos," DeGeneres said of Dallas Buyers Club. "Speaking of people that have sex at radios, Bruce Dern is here tonight."
- "I honestly have to say, you showed us something in that film that I haven't seen for a very long time." — speaking to Jonah Hill, referencing his character's prosthetic penis in The Wolf of Wall Street.
- "Possibility No. 1: 12 Years a Slave wins best picture. Possibility No. 2: You're all racists. And now, welcome our first white presenter, Anne Hathaway."
- "No, I don't want to see it." — later, to Jonah Hill.
Oscars: Ellen DeGeneres' best jokes
Patrick Ryan , KSDK 8:42 PM. CST March 02, 2014
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