ST. LOUIS - One year ago on Friday St. Louis County Police Officer Blake Snyder was shot and killed in the line of duty while responding to a call in south St. Louis County. Snyder, just 33 years old, left behind a wife and young son.
"Certain days it will feel like this has been longest time of my life," his widow Elizabeth Snyder said in an interview the day before the one year anniversary.
On Oct. 6, 2016 Officer Snyder answered a disturbance call when police say 18-year-old Trenton Forster shot and killed him at point blank range.
"I think I was angry for a split second," recalled Snyder. "After that it was all just sadness."
Snyder says she is trying to forgive Forster. "God calls us to forgive and to love our enemies, so I'm trying. That's all I can say. That's a really difficult thing."
In the year since losing her husband Elizabeth Snyder has gracefully embraced a spot light no one could want making numerous appearances in memory of her husband around the region and even Washington, D.C.
But there's more to her healing than appearances.
"People don't see what's happening at home or those late nights when sleep doesn't come," she says.
Their son Malichi will soon turn three. Still too young, Elizabeth says, to understand what happened to his dad.
She says whenever he sees a picture or home video with his father he will point and say "Daddy, he's in heaven with Jesus." Snyder says she will tell their son more of the story when he is older. "That'll be rough...when that conversation happens."
She says last year's support during Officer Snyder's funeral wasn't just for show. She says Backstoppers and strangers are still helping and encouraging her. But with police and protesters clashing in St. Louis lately she worries about community support for those who served alongside her husband.
"There is obviously a lot pain in the community and tension. I just wish that both sides could come together and listen to each other. Because if you did just a little bit of listening you could see what the other side is saying and why the other side is hurt," says Snyder.
She hopes more people will consider that officers are "real people" with families of their own.
"When you think of a police officer think of Blake," whom she and many in the year since he died describe as "sacrificial."
"Not just in his work but in his home and his church and his family life he was sacrificial."
Snyder is currently working on a book. She says writing down her experience has been therapeutic and she hopes it helps others who send their loved ones off to duty.
The man accused of killing Snyder is still awaiting trial.
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