By Jeanne Moos
New York (CNN) - Soccer players can't use their hands to touch the ball on the field.
Two athletes in Iran abided by the rules, but are still suspended indefinitely. No ifs, ands or butts about that.
Giving your teammates a hand to celebrate does not include a hand on the butt, not in Iran.
Call it a fanny pat, call it goosing, a bottom pinch, a butt squeeze... it's called immoral in Iran.
Iran's most popular team, Persepolis, was celebrating a goal. Apparently it's okay to kiss, but don't touch the butt.
The man who was touched jumped, and so did the video on YouTube, in slow motion and with a helpful arrow. H was also seen giving not quite as good as he got; a more subtle butt grab, but nonetheless caught on camera.
The two bottom pinchers got more than a spanking. The Iranian Football Federation said both have been banned indefinitely from all football activities for committing immoral acts.
And talk about getting squeezed. Each player was fined almost $40,000.
A member of Iran's parliament called it a very ugly thing. Guy on guy contact isn't appreciated there. After all, Iran's president once said, "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country." That got a laugh from the audience at Columbia University.
Here in the United States we don't penalized butt grabbing, we honor it.
Take for instance the 25 greatest butt grabbing moments in sports history, compiled on a blog. The more blatant the butt grab, the more popular.